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Dating in Recovery

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Thinking of starting your first intimate relationship post-drug or alcohol addiction? The right relationship can strengthen your alcohol and drug recovery. At the same time, dating the wrong person can push you towards relapse. Here are a few things to consider before you start a new relationship.

Build Positive Self-Care Habits First

While you take time to reflect on past dating habits, work on loving and caring for yourself. Loving another person in an intimate relationship starts with loving yourself. Build a foundation of self-love and positive self-care habits before you move on to your next relationship.

One of the biggest threats to a successful addiction recovery is stress. The passion of romance can be stressful, especially for those recovering from alcohol and drugs. Jumping into a new relationship before you master fulfilling your own emotional needs can lead to addiction relapse.

Ask yourself:

  • “Am I happy most days?”
  • “When I get upset, do I keep it in perspective?”
  • “Do I feel just as happy alone as I do with other people?”
  • “Am I excelling at work without feeling stressed out?”

If you can answer “YES!” to these questions, then it’s a good sign that you’re ready for a relationship.

Take Care of a Plant, Volunteer, Start a Project

Once you’ve taken care of your own happiness, try adding on some extra challenges. Taking care of a plant is a classic addiction-recovery cliche. If plants aren’t your thing, try taking on a volunteer project. This can be fulfilling in itself. If you can’t sacrifice a few hours every week to help others, do you really think you’re ready for an intimate relationship? Relationships are time-consuming and can present a lot of emotional challenges. Volunteering is a nice stepping stone.

Before you move on to a relationship, pick up a hobby or start a passion project. It will also help keep you sober and on track with your addiction recovery journey. When you start a new relationship, you’ll have less time to go around. You don’t want to feel like the relationship is preventing you from doing what you love. Once you’ve proven that you can donate time to others and dedicate time to your passions, it may be time to consider dating.

Recognizing Past Relationship Habits

As a recovering alcoholic or drug addicted individual, there’s a chance that you’ve developed some less-than-healthy relationship habits. Before you jump into a new intimate relationship post-addiction, it’s important to press pause and see if you can find any negative patterns that you’d rather not repeat.

Dating instincts are mostly subconscious. The relationship patterns you witnessed your parents engage in can have a significant impact on your dating habits as an adult. If you had parents who were addicted to alcohol or drugs, you might have absorbed some unhealthy dating tendencies. Relationships in the fog of addiction play out differently than when you’re dating with a clean brain and a clear head. By identifying negative patterns in past relationships, your next one will have a better chance of going well.

Avoiding Toxic People

It’s never time to start a new relationship with someone who isn’t emotionally healthy. When you feel like you’re ready, you need to be confident that your new partner will have a positive influence.

Negative interpersonal interactions have an adverse effect on mental health. How do you know that the person you’re interested in is healthy? Take a look at their life as a whole. Do they have a healthy social life? This looks different for every person. They don’t have to have a ton of friends, but they do need to be satisfied with the ones they have. Do they talk positively about life?

People tend to put there best foot forward in the early stages of a relationship. If you’ve only known someone for a few weeks and they’re already complaining, it’s not a good sign.

Start Slow, Love Can Be a Drug

There’s no reason to jump the gun. Take things slow. It can be easy to get too absorbed in your first relationship as a recovering addict. While you were using, you may have deprived yourself of close bonds and genuine emotional connections. Time was spent interacting casually, catching a buzz, and going about your day.

The authentic love of your first intimate relationship can be a drug in itself. In fact, love is a drug — oxytocin to be exact. Oxytocin is a hormone that acts on opioid receptors. It’s activated when you experience emotional and physical intimacy. Oxytocin is influential in the formation of social bonds. The desire to give yourself over to the satisfaction and relief that oxytocin provides can be powerful. Romance has the potential to distract you from your drug and/or alcohol recovery. Your affection should feel like a choice, not an addiction.

Communication is Key

Date someone who is an excellent communicator. Make sure that they’re open to answering questions about their past and answering difficult questions. As somebody working on your addiction recovery, you may have a tumultuous past. Dating someone who’s uncomfortable talking about it isn’t conducive to a healthy and positive addiction recovery. The person you date should be willing to discuss the impact that the relationship is having on your recovery.

Recovery needs to be your priority, and the person you date has to understand that. After all, if you relapse, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship becomes strained.

The High Stakes of Relationships in Recovery

You have to be ruthless with relationships in alcohol and drug recovery. The stakes are high. As your relationship grows, it can impact you in one of two ways. If communication is open and fearless, it can lead to success in recovery and make you a healthier person. If you or the other person doesn’t feel comfortable talking about the hard stuff, it will inevitably strain the relationship and your recovery.

By recognizing past relationship habits, avoiding toxic people, focusing on yourself first, and starting slowly, you can build a relationship that will strengthen your addiction recovery journey and bring joy into your life.

If you or anyone you love is seeking an individual counseling, intensive outpatient treatment program, or are just seeking more information, Stonewall Institute Treatment Center is glad to help. Please, give us a call today at (602) 535 6468 or email us at [email protected].

An Explanation to Dual Diagnosis

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An Explanation to Dual Diagnosis

Around twenty years ago, dual diagnoses began to see light. The simple definition for one is when a drug or alcohol addiction co-occurring with a mental disorder.  The National Institute on Drug Abuse has claimed that individuals who abuse substances are twice as likely to suffer from a disorder of some sort.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration, close to nine million Americans are currently experiencing dual diagnoses.  The unfortunate truth is, only 7.4 percent of those Americans receive drug and alcohol treatment for both their drug and alcohol addiction and co-occuring mental disorder.  More than half don’t receive any treatment at all.

These statistics give us some insight as to how dual diagnoses are still all too unknown.  More often than not, individuals suffering from substance addiction don’t realize there are drug treatment options out there to care for both issues.  Therefore, it becomes very difficult to treat one issue when another one is still present.

Drug Abuse and Mental Illnesses are Commonly Combined

 

As mentioned above, it’s very common for individuals struggling with substance use to also face some sort of mental disorder.  There are also instances where drugs can commence a mental disorder.  In an example, psychedelic substances (such as LSD, PCP, or mushrooms) have been known to cause schizophrenia in certain individuals.

More commonly, however, the opposite is true – a person with a mental disorder will seek out alcohol and/or other substances to self-medicate which in turn may cause dependence or addiction.  This is not only true for alcohol and street drugs, but also for prescription drugs given to them by their doctor.  Benzodiazepines tend to be the most commonly abused prescription drugs, specifically Xanax.  Xanax treats anxiety disorders and can be highly addictive.  Even those with a prescription from a doctor can fall into dangerous dependence on the drug and experience serious withdrawals after even one week of continued use.

And even if somebody with anxiety doesn’t go to a doctor, there are substances widely available that make people feel more socially calm.  The most notable being alcohol.

Diagnosing and Integrated Treatment

 

In order to properly dual diagnose an individual, they must undergo an integrated screening protocol or a clinical evaluation for drug and alcohol use. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration (SAMHSA), these individuals who’re admitted into addiction treatment should immediately be screened for both addiction and mental health.  With each problem being assessed at the same time, only then can a solution be worked towards.

It should be noted that treating an addiction and nothing more tends to be less effective than that of treating both an addiction and mental illness.  The reason being – as the statistics above have told us – many individuals who suffer from addiction usually suffer from a mental disorder as well.

Further, individuals who only get treated for one issue generally don’t have the tools to handle the other.   Let’s say someone has recovered from drug addiction, yet, continues to face a large amount of anxiety.  If they do not seek proper medical attention for their anxiety, this can lead them down either of two paths:

  1. Relapse; going back to substances as a means of relieving anxiety.
  2. Absolute confusion; without proper guidance, individuals are still in danger of harming themselves and others (even without drugs) due to the fact that they are unaware of how to control their emotion.

The purpose of integrated drug treatment is to reduce an individual’s use of substances while improving their mental health.  It can be expected that integrated treatment will help one problem in relation to the other.  The goal of dual diagnosis is to let individuals understand the source of their past experiences as a means of discovering how to solve future dilemmas.

Though drug therapy sessions can be expected in addiction treatment, with dual diagnosis, one can expect pharmacotherapy as well.  Along with this, one can expect psychotherapy (or talk therapy) as well.  The purpose of this is to help patients discover the true influences of both their addiction and their mental illness.

Which Treatment is Best for Dual Diagnosis?

 

One of the most prominent ways to treat individuals who’re dual diagnosed is through behavioral interventions. The following are commonly found in treating dual diagnosis:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A means of creating healthier thinking and behavioral patterns for the sake of individuals staying sober. It can be expected that this will work at minimizing problematic beliefs and behaviors.
  • Integrated Group Therapy: A conversation amongst other dual diagnosed individuals that seeks to treat the symptoms of both substance abuse disorders and mental health conditions.
  • Dialectic Behavioral Therapy: Often, substance abuse disorders and addiction go hand-in-hand with self-harming behaviors. This is an effort to diminish that.
  • Individual Psychotherapy: Treats the behaviors often associated with mental health issues and substance abuse.

Due to the fact that everyone has different needs and preferences on how to carry out their treatment, it’s very likely that people will undergo different methods as a means of treating their dual diagnosis.  The only way to properly determine which form of addiction treatment will be most beneficial to you is to speak with a professional substance abuse counselor.

Below, we will look into the options of inpatient treatment and outpatient, however, it is highly recommended you complete an evaluation with a trained mental health professional to figure out which method of treatment will serve your specific circumstance the best.

Inpatient Treatment

 

More often than not, inpatient treatment is recommended for individuals with a dual diagnosis. This is when a person is placed in a residential rehabilitation program where he/she will live under the supervision of professionals.  It was mentioned earlier that individuals in certain environments will react to their addiction or mental health differently.

In an inpatient program, individuals will be in not only a safe environment, but one that’s supervised by professionals.  Dual diagnoses aren’t an easy matter to handle.  Therefore, these professionals along with ongoing support are very much a necessity.

Given, there will be times when the drug and alcohol treatment can feel very intensive.  Dual diagnoses are complex when one is trying to find a solution.  To cure two diseases in one session is to completely change one’s perspective on life and that of which is around them.  With inpatient treatment, individuals will have the opportunity to stay in one place and focus on their dilemma.

With an inpatient treatment, you can expect the following:

  • Daily therapy sessions.
  • The chance to be apart of support groups on a daily basis.
  • A community of a variety of individuals who’re in the same position.
  • The opportunity to receive consistent and professional about substance abuse and mental health.

Outpatient Treatment

 

The difference from an inpatient treatment is an intensive outpatient treatment allows individuals to get the care they need without committing to residency.  Usually taking around 10 weeks, individuals in outpatient treatment are allowed to go about their day-to-day lives if they have important responsibilities; work, school, a family, etc.

You can expect to receive the same kind of counseling and professional help you would from an inpatient treatment, but since you aren’t living in a facility, there’s a larger degree of personal responsibility.  In other words, how seriously you decide to take the treatment is entirely up to your willingness for a change.

Just like the inpatient program, it’s important to have the right motivation.  Individuals shouldn’t be forced into this situation out of their own will.

There’s one vital factor that’s also important to be aware of.  Being that your environment isn’t as controlled, there’s more of a chance to give into substances. Keeping this in mind, it’s essential to have self-control through an outpatient program.  That responsibility is the key to a successful treatment.

With an outpatient treatment, you can expect the following;

  • Group therapy three times a week for three hours a session.
  • The ability to live independently.
  • Peer support, community group, or 12-step program involvement.

If you or anyone you love is suffering from addiction and/or co-occuring mental disorder(s), or would like more information on the topics discussed above, please, give Stonewall Institute Treatment Center a call today at (602) 535-6468 or email us at [email protected].

Change is possible, Stonewall Institute Treatment Center can help you change your life.

Healing Toxic Emotions through Vulnerability in Recovery

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One of the main obstacles to drug and alcohol recovery is the shame associated with substance abuse. A lifetime of addiction can leave behind a wake of regretful actions, damaged relationships, and poor decisions. It can feel overwhelming to face the reality of what life has become, but by sharing your story in Alcoholics Anonymous and other formats, you can move past your shame towards a healthy recovery.

What Is Shame?

Shame is different than guilt. When you feel guilty, you recognize that you did something wrong and act to correct it. Guilt is usually a healthy, motivating emotion. You may say to yourself, “I shouldn’t have done that, but it doesn’t represent who I am.”

Shame is different. It results in negative self-talk such as “I’m so terrible, I can’t believe I did that.” You see your regretful action as a reflection of who you are as a person. Unlike guilt, with shame, you may not try to repair the damage you’ve caused. Instead, you attempt to hide from or ignore the pain. You may disconnect from yourself and from others.

Healthy Shame vs Toxic Shame and Addiction

Believe it or not, not all shame is bad. Shame can serve as a moral compass and a reminder that you are not the all-powerful being you sometimes think you are. Good shame comes in the form of “innate moral shame.” When shame gets out of control, it becomes “internalized shame.” Internalized shame is toxic.

Healthy shame can guide you in the right direction when you have a difficult ethical decision to make. You may lie to your coworker and take a larger percentage of the profits than was agreed upon. The shame you feel for doing this can direct you to be more honest in the future. This type of shame is the foundation of humility and spirituality. Healthy shame can even push you to seek help for addiction when you recognize that substance abuse is the driving force behind your immoral behavior.

But shame isn’t always positive, and this is what makes it such a complicated emotion to understand. It’s internalized shame, or toxic shame, that fuels addictive behaviors. When shame consumes you and makes you feel that you are inherently a bad person, that’s when it can destroy you rather than motivate you towards recovery.

The Destructive Nature of Internalized Shame

Internalized shame makes you feel that you are the problem rather than the decisions you make and the actions you take. Rather than feeling regretful or embarrassed for a short period, you feel like a flawed person. Maybe you even go so far as to feel that you’re not worthy of love. Internalized shame can make you feel inherently defective. At that point, trying to improve yourself is a lost cause. The only way to escape your shame, and yourself, is to use substances to hide from what you’ve become.

Toxic shame is one of the most destructive emotions because it’s all-encompassing and becomes your state of being. Shame is soul sickness at its worst. Internalized shame is at the core of addictive behaviors.

Coping with Toxic Shame Through Substance Abuse

As toxic shame gets worse, you may take every means necessary to isolate yourself from the people who care about you. Distance is the only way to create a separate version of yourself and experience a break from the pain.

What better way to distance yourself than to abuse drugs and alcohol? It’s the easiest, fastest solution. If you’re already genetically predisposed to addiction, the combination of toxic shame and substance can be a lethal one. On one end you have the shame pushing you to seek something outside of yourself in order to feel okay. This can come in the form of money, power, sex, drugs or alcohol. Although these behaviors provide a momentary escape, they only add to the shame and regret after the buzz wears off.

The disease of addiction can take what would have been a healthy shame and turn it into toxic shame. This is especially true with young addicts, especially if their entire adult life has been consumed by addiction. Addiction is their identity. It can lead to a compulsive cycle that fuels more shame and more addictive behavior.

The Healing Power of Vulnerability

Healing toxic shame can be a painful process, but it’s an essential part of drug and alcohol recovery. If you’ve been using substances to escape from your feelings of shame, healing can be especially difficult. You’ll need to completely reverse your relationship with shame and meet it head-on.

It’s okay to recognize the shame that you feel for the decisions you’ve made. Healing begins when you admit that your shame doesn’t represent who you are as a person. Only then can you move forward in recovery.

Shame thrives when you’re in isolation. To beat it, you’re going to need to connect with others and share your story. By externalizing your shame and being vulnerable in front of people you trust, you can begin to recover. Psychologist Brene Brown is a massive proponent of the power of vulnerability to transform your life and become a leader in your community. Vulnerability is also an essential part of healing shame. When you trust someone to accept you for all your flaws you can start to change the negative beliefs you have about yourself.

Alcoholics Anonymous: Healing through Human Connection

Alcoholics Anonymous is a 12-step recovery program that works. Why is it so effective for so many people?

It relies on the power of vulnerability and human connection to heal toxic shame. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are full of people who know the shame of addiction all too well. You can feel safe to share your experience, get feedback, and start to disconnect from the shame that you’ve identified with for so long.

With that being said, Alcoholics Anonymous isn’t for everyone. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to a group of people you’ve only recently met, the same power of vulnerability can be experienced by sharing with another support group, mentor or therapist. For most recovering addicts, however, Alcoholics Anonymous is the most effective route to take.

Other recovering addicts will need more than just Alcoholics Anonymous. Inpatient and intensive outpatient substance abuse treatment programs can provide a solid foundation for addiction recovery.

Stonewall Institute Drug and Alcohol Treatment Center in Phoenix, Arizona provides services for drug and alcohol dependency and co-occurring issues. Services are delivered in a private upscale outpatient treatment setting using evidence-based treatment methods. Our program allows clients to sustain life responsibilities while providing an intensive treatment environment 3 evenings per week for 10 weeks. Clients in our Drug and Alcohol Treatment program will learn about underlying issues that contribute to substance dependence and obtain the vital skills necessary to sustain long-term sobriety and recovery.

If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse, Stonewall Institute Treatment Center is available to answer any questions you may have. Call us today at 602-535 6468 or email us at [email protected].

DRUG REHAB ARIZONA

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Current trends in effective treatment for drug abuse and alcohol abuse favor a drug rehab center that offers a holistic and personal approach to addiction treatment. Industry leading addiction treatment centers in Arizona such as the Stonewall Institute offer intensive outpatient treatment addiction programs that allow people to focus on their recovery while maintaining their normal daily activities. Drug counseling and alcohol counseling work best when utilized in a frequent manner in a structured setting. Stonewall institute offers personalized addiction treatment in a friendly and affirmative environment. Contact Stonewall Institute today at 602-535-648 or visit Stonewall’s website at www.stonewallinstitute.com.